My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
