haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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