i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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