I have demons in me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
