if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
