ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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