Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he shaved USA in his pubs
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
