I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
