You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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