She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
