In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
