I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You pole danced in your parka.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
