I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
