I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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