Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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