my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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