just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
