saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
