I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
