Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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