I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
