lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
