This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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