Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
