I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
should my penis look like a turkey
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
