I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
