i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
