thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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