i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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