feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
