Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
