She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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