just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
