No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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