so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
