I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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