final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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