Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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