Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
