WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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