Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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