my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
