weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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