I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
