my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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