Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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