That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
