Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
