Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
