Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
