John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Everclear isn't food dammit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
