let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
